Earlier this summer I wrote up a post about my great expectations for Greta's blog, GFunkified. She gets all sorts of bloggers for this series and I'm so happy to have taken part. I wanted to share it here too and get your thoughts on friendship.
You know the saying “always a bridesmaid, never a bride”? That’s not me at all. Never mind the fact that I’ve been both a bride once and a bridesmaid once, it’s the sentiment I’m talking about. I haven’t been a bridesmaid often because I’m not a good friend.
I got to university and I did what I always do: stay on the fringe. I made friends, lots of them, I was friendly with everyone from my dorm, but didn’t make any great friends. That left me scrambling to find roommates when groups were forming and I wasn’t included. I ended up living with strangers who became friends, but not forever friends.
I spent the next three years wishing I was back in my home town, wishing for university to be over, so I could move on and move in with my then-boyfriend. I sailed through university never cultivating good friendships because everything felt so temporary. I made friends and went out and enjoyed myself, but I didn’t dig in.
I finished university, grabbed my degree, and ran home. I was married after a couple months to my best friend. At the time we were hanging out with a group of guys my husband knows from high school. Over the years the group expanded to include girlfriends. We were the first of that group to get married and the first to have kids. Once we had our first baby we drifted away from that group, unable or unwilling to do the things we always did together.
The group now is still intact, most of the guys are now married and some have kids. You’d think we would have reconnected now that we’re in similar stages, but we haven’t, and I think it’s because we were never great friends in the first place.
That’s the thing: we were never great friends because I wasn’t a good friend. I was, and still am in a way, looking forward to the next big thing. I am unable to live in the moment and really look around me.
Don’t get me wrong though. It’s not that I don’t have any friends. I have lots of friends, some really great ones too. I just expected to have that group of people who have known me my whole life, or a roommate from university that I bonded with, or a friend from a sports team from when I was young.
I’m lucky to have found one forever friend in my husband, but I never found the forever friends I’ve always been looking for, that I always expected I’d have. At least I don’t have a closet full of dresses I’ll never wear again.
Tell me, do you have a group of friends you've known forever or are you more like me and make friends wherever you go and haven't had the same friends for very long? I'd love to know.